Your Dog is Dumber than My Dog...I Hope

Jill and I are finishing up our week visiting family in Iowa. That means we're getting ready to go "home" to Denver (it still sounds a little strange to say that). It also means that we're bracing ourselves for the report we'll be getting from our friends Kevin and Lynn, who have been watching Daisy-the-Wunder-Mutt while we've been away. We're preparing ourselves for the worst--but consoling ourselves with the knowledge that their dog Zeke(whom we watched during Thanksgiving break)is dumber than our dog. At least we hope he is.

Here is the standard Zeke set--the one we hope Daisy will not quite be able to attain.

1. Zeke cannot poop in one spot. This is not as endearing as it sounds. Zeke (who is one of those big dogs who looks hunched over and awkward to begin with) walks in circles as he poops. It's the first thing he does when he hops out of the back of the Robert's Subaru. And he does it at night, on our walks, too. Believe it or not, squinting in the pale moon light as I hunt for stray dog turds is very low on my list of favorite things to do. As this is a family blog, I won't get started on what happens to the rest of his anatomy when he's working on all this.

2. Zeke is prone to anxiety attacks. When we had him at our house for a few days this summer, the Roberts dropped off a few pill bottles with his leash, dog food, bed, and water bucket (by they way, he needs a bucket, not a bowl, as he drinks/drools an incredible amount. This could easily be point three, in my opinion.). They explained that one was a prescription for the really serious attacks--the Fourth-of-July-Fireworks type. The other was an over-the-counter drug for the less serious thunderstorm-induced attacks. Well, I'm glad we didn't have Zeke around for fireworks, because the "minor" attacks are annoying enough. Zeke cowers in a corner, shaking, or sticks to your side so closely that you can't go to the bathroom without him following you there. Thankfully, the drugs do a sufficient job of knocking him out.

3. Zeke is a delicate sleeper. We first discovered this delightful idiosyncrasy when we tried to gate him into a room downstairs. This was successful for a few hours. But sometime around 4 am, we heard a loud CRASH as he came through the gate (not over it). The next night, when we let him sleep upstairs in the hallway with Daisy, we couldn't keep him from pacing in and out of our room and up and down the stairs, whimpering, trying to crawl under our bed, and generally acting very nervous (see pt. 2, above). After a few hours, we discovered that one of the things that was bothering Zeke was a very subtle "chirp" from one of our smoke alarms. I still don't know which one (or why it was chirping, since they don't run off of batteries), but I did look. Eventually (around 2 am), I ended up standing on a chair in my boxers muttering less than affectionate things about old Zeke as I yanked out the smoke alarms--only to discover that that makes them chirp even more. In fact, they just may be possessed, since the keep on chirping even when the back-up battery is removed. By 2:30 am, all of our smoke detectors were piled outside on our back porch. I consider it evidence of spectacular self control and restraint that I managed not to throw them into the street where I could back over them--repeatedly--with the car.

There are a few others--but that should give you a sense of the standard that has been set for Daisy. Like I said, I really hope that Zeke is dumber than Daisy so that we don't have to feel too bad about whatever terrors she's inflicted upon the Roberts. And I also hope that, if the Roberts read this, they know that, really, we love Zeke, he's wonderful, and we'll happily take him again. At least if you're willing to take Daisy.

Flashback 1993

Here's some more video of Jill at work. I missed the intro, but with the stage, music, and mic, I think I'd have a good audition tape for Ron Popeil(were he not bankrupt). The first video introduces the show ("Mission Super-Chill!"), the second will take you back in time to your seventh grade science experiments. I suggest you don't watch them if you have problems with motion sickness.

One Smart Lady

I spent a good chunk of the day Monday (Christmas Eve) at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science watching Jill do what it is she does there. I've seen her at work before, but never in this particular department. This was quite possibly my last chance for a while as the space suit is starting to get a bit snug around the middle. Depending on how this works, tomorrow I may add some exciting footage of her simulating the conditions on Tritan. No doubt about it, she is one smart lady.


Untitled from Joel Schreurs on Vimeo.

Give the People What They Want

I recently installed a cool new feature on my blog. It's called "sitemeter" and it tells me how many people are visiting my blog and--the best thing--where they are from (you can look for yourself by clicking on the icon on the left). In addition to raising some questions (who do I know in Kentucky? Or Manitoba? Where is Manitoba?), seeing how many visitors I get has also done great things to feed my vanity (which is, of course, what blogging is all about*). It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to know that there are more than two people who check out this blog. It also makes me feel a little guilty about not updating more often.** So, in an effort to give the people what they want, I'm going to offer a few blurbs summarizing the posts I could have written during the last month. These will be short, so you'll have to insert your own jokes/witty comments. Also, you may want to pace yourself. I may not update again for another month.


The End of Summer: It came the week before Thanksgiving here in Colorado (78 degrees at the end of November!). I celebrated by going for a mountain bike ride and then heading out to a Monday Night Football game with a few guys from church (Broncos vs. Titans). It was a hoot--so much fun that I could almost become a football fan if I did that more often (and if the Broncos were still playing). I stayed away from the nachos but caved in and had a brat. I love stadium food. Tasty AND good for you.

Holiday Cheer: The Sunday after Christmas Jill and I went out hunting for a Christmas tree. We headed deep into the mountains, hiked over hill and dale, and then chopped it down and took it home, Griswold style....Okay, not really. We went to the basement and pulled out the enormous box containing the eight foot tree someone gave us last year (our first tree, by the way). It's a little thin around the bottom--but I think it looks nice. I also put up lights--which was not all that frustrating because they were all new and neatly wrapped. I'm sure next year will be more, um, entertaining.

Daisy gets a bath: Nothing really that special here--Daisy is just so cool I'm sure that anyone with a little sense would want to look at a picture of her. That, and I though you might like to see how we get Daisy to stay in the tub. In case you can't see it, that's peanut butter smeared around the edges. Mmmmm. Maybe this will be a tactic we will use when our child gets old enough to protest bathing.

Observations from a day at the mall: In addition to realizing that people will stand in line a long time for mediocre coffee (yes, I'm talking about Starbucks here), I observed that I am perhaps the easiest person in the world to shop for. Jill, on the other hand, may be the most difficult. The key difference between us has something to do with our obedience to the 10th Commandment ("Do not Covet", if you weren't already aware). You see, I can walk into almost any store and find something I'd be happy to have--and many stores where I really want something. Pen store? Check. Sports store? Check. Pet store? Check. Western store? Maybe (I could go for a stetson). Apple Store? Don't even get me started. Jill, on the other hand, would apparently be a great Buddhist (which would make her a bad pastor's wife, but I digress). She seems to have all her desires under control. So really, don't feel bad if you don't know what to get her. In fact, don't get her anything--she doesn't really want it. You'd be better off getting me something instead.

Ski Bum: Last year, I went skiing for the first time as a resident of Colorado. I greatly enjoyed it. This year, I caved in and got a season pass--which means I can go as much as I want (or, more realistically: I can ski as many times as I (a.) have time for and (b.) am allowed by my pregnant wife, who probably shouldn't ski.) Here's a picture of me in my new helmet and goggles. The helmet is white and has me half way down the road to looking like a storm trooper.

*Face it, you have to be a little narcissistic/vain to think that people actually care about the latest picture of your dog, what you did last weekend, blah blah blah.

**Did I mention that I want my very own home Internet connection for Christmas? This business of "sharing" with church just isn't working any more.

Tummy.

There it is. Finally bigger than mine.
There's a real live baby in there. One that likes to swim, kick, and eat (a lot, apparently).
As of last Friday, we're half way there!

P.S. Note the rosy glow.