Going Native

It's Friday night. Jill's at work. There's really no good T.V. on (except the Gypsy Kings on PBS--which I'm watching/listening to so pardon my typos. It's really very distracting). I figured I might as well catch up on my blogging--finish that post I started about a year ago (when I first started this blog, actually) and never got around to wrapping up.

The post (started March 6, 2007) was originally prompted by a comment made by someone at church. I was asking him if it's possible to take one's dog along mountain biking on Front Range Trails when he interrupted me. "Wait a minute", he said. "You got a dog and you mountain bike? Wow, it didn't take you long to go native, did it?!"

I'll get into that in a minute. First a note of explanation.

The state of Colorado has one of the fastest growth rates in the nation. In fact, the growth rate of this great state is actually closer to that of a developing nation (or so the folks at NPR tell me). During the next decade, it's estimated that approximately 1,000,000 people will move to the Front Range area. That's a lot of people. No wonder one of the first questions that comes up in any conversation is "Where are you from?"

So not many of us are natives. But those who are take great pride in their status. They even have bumper stickers that proclaim to all the world their superior birth. The rest of us--well, we can only pretend. We do our best--we try to go go native", as my friend said. But some of us do better than others.

So, how am I doing? Here's what I've managed to come up with:

First, here's what I'm missing:

• An "Impeach Bush" bumper sticker/sign on my front lawn (somehow, I don't think this would be popular with a fair portion of my congregation).


• Single digit body fat percentage. (Denver claims to be the thinnest city in the U.S. I'm solidly in the double digits)


• SUV/Subaru Outback/4 Wheel Drive. (Somewhere, I have a picture of my street early on a Sunday morning--each of the 20-30 vehicles parked on my street fell into this category.


• $2,000 a month mortgage payment.


• Buddhist prayer flags and sense of vague, smorgus board "spirituality". We're down right particular in our spirituality, thank you very much.


• Leathery, Colorado Mountain tan. Still as pasty as ever.


• Large camper/trailer to be used every weekend between Memorial Day and Labor Day.

Wow. That's a lot of strikes against me. Come to think of it, the only thing I really have going for me is the previously mentioned dog/mountain bike, my willingness to wear spandex in public places, and my smug attitude about my new lightbulbs/compost bin. Not very impressive at all. I guess I'll have to settle for this bumper sticker f0r now:

PS: If any Coloradians can think of something I'm missing, let me know!